Reading Resonates: Books About Twins

“I realize now that yours is the heartbeat that I’ve always missed.”
-- Elyse Schein

Twins, especially identical twins, hold a fascination for many people, and I am as intrigued as the next person. I’ve recently finished reading Identical Strangers: A Memoir of Twins Separated and Reunited by Elyse Schein and Paula Bernstein.

Elyse and Paula are identical twins who were placed as infants with two different NYC families. Neither knew the other existed until age 33, when Elyse started a search for their birth mother. The memoir traces their journey as they become acquainted and continue their search for the whys and wherefores of their birth, separation and adoptions. They also trace the history of the nature vs. nurture debate; are we more a product of our genes or of our environment?

I particularly enjoyed this book because it was so personal. Paula and Elyse tell their stories through alternating journal entries, speaking about what it is like to discover an unknown twin in mid-life. They discuss various twin studies, their search for their birth mother, and the corrupt science that lead to their being separated at the behest of a psychiatrist who wanted to study the development of separated twins.

Why do twins fascinate us so much?

For me, the obvious answer is that I’ve always wanted a best friend, and mostly haven’t felt like I had one. Add to that the potential of having a double I could persuade to play pranks on classmates or take my place in gym class and my childhood fantasy life was almost complete. (I once knew a twin who confessed that she took two algebra classes per day so her sister wouldn’t have to go to the dreaded math.)

I’ve spent a lot of time alone, and all of us crave a partner, someone with whom to share our greatest depths. What would it be like to have a true love, a soul mate, a twin?

I wanted a sister; I still want a sister. Perhaps I wanted someone built-in, who had to love me. I’m certainly captivated by the concept of having someone who looks like me. Perhaps I wanted moral support from a twin; someone to turn to when the world was against me. As a child who felt friendless, and was sometimes bullied, the idea of a built-in best friend was very engaging.

Although I have a younger sister, we have never been close. In fact, when she was around eleven and I was 14, we traveled across country to visit my mother’s family in Connecticut. To my sister’s horror, I cut my hair into bangs so that we would look more alike. My grandmother, in an uncharacteristic bit of whimsy, pretended all afternoon that she couldn’t tell us apart. LOL. I’m sure my sister loved that, too.

I remember one afternoon where my cousin and I took great glee in driving her mother to distraction by switching clothes. We didn’t look at all alike, but we were the same size and the same age, and we were good buds at that age. Cousin may have been the ringleader in our mischief, but I’m sure I wasn’t far behind. (And, oh, by the way, swamping the boat and getting soaked didn’t make my aunt any happier!)

Although there was a family resemblance between my sister, my brother and I, I never thought we looked particularly alike. (I did have a rich fantasy life, however; hence the incident with my grandmother!)

When I was in college, my mother showed me the proofs my sister had received from a professional photo shoot. Even though I knew for a fact that the photos were of my sibling, some of those images could have been of me. It was a most discomforting experience to look at pictures I knew were not of me, and see myself looking back. Apparently, my sister and I share many mannerisms and facial expressions, not just similarities in our bone structure and coloring.

Indivisible by Two: Lives of Extraordinary Twins by Nancy J Segal, is less personal, since it is written by a “twin researcher” who interviews some sets of multiples with unusual stories. However, the stories are interesting. Among others, she tells of a set of twins who are separated by divorce. One is raised in Eastern Europe as a Catholic, and joins the Hitler Youth. The other grows up in Trinidad, and is raised in the Jewish faith of his father. Another story concerns identical twin sisters, one of whom transitions to male when she reaches adulthood.

From the perspective of adulthood, I’m well aware that the twins I’ve known, particularly my students (fraternal as well as identical twins) often had a relationship where one was more of an achiever than the other, or one twin was quite dominant. Still, I expect I will always wish to see myself mirrored in a sister or friend, so that I can experience that unusual intimacy on which twins seem to have a premium.