I Call It Civil War

I am very troubled by the widening distance between my feminist sensibilities and the thoughts of younger women who put themselves on the other side of the debate about women's rights. What can I say to you that will not be taken the wrong way? We are on opposite sides of a great divide, and it is getting wider all the time.

When American Rupublicans are not only suggesting, but passing laws that are injurious to women, I see misogyny and anti-feminism at work. But you apparently don’t see what I see.

Laws are being passed that dictate a waiting period between a woman’s request for an abortion and the actual procedure. I believe these laws set up women for emotional torture, second-guessing and guilt tripping. The affected women have already made the difficult decision to end a pregnancy. In a discussion about these laws, a presumably Christian woman said she thought the mandated wait times, 'counseling' and intravaginal ultrasounds a good thing, because “doctors never tell us anything.”

When I hear this, I assume that this woman wants to know about and have control over her own body. I understand she wants factual information so she can make informed decisions based on her personal needs, values and situation. That’s as it should be. I certainly want that, too, for myself and for all women.

I also believe that it is naïve to presume that passing laws mandating that every woman who wants to end a pregnancy (or get extra help to have a child, or hopes to bring a pregnancy to term without a miscarriage, or wants to plan her family) must be forced into unnecessary and unwanted tests and counseling.

I find it insulting that anyone believes that a woman is incapable of making the best decision for her particular situation. I find it ludicrous that a bunch of men know what women need more than women do. Letting men control women’s bodies is a very bad idea, particularly in a society that is clearly still woman hating and suspicious of women’s strength, ethics and insight. There is an overarching idea, one I thought we feminists had partially eradicated, that women are evil, unthinking, child-like. . .the list goes on. And our politicians are falling back on these superstitions to get the power that they want.

I have been so horrified the past year or two as more and more bizarre laws are suggested and passed.  The recent fight about whether church-sponsored medical organizations (e.g. a Catholic college student clinic) have to provide and pay for birth control is a good example. Santorum seems to think that birth control should be outlawed even between married couples. This man is running for the GOP presidential nomination. We have to take what he says seriously, even if he's an idiot.

It has often occurred to me that some of this bizarre thinking may be a smoke screen; a way to get everybody all riled up so that they won’t notice the continuing lack of job development, the failing economy and the corruption at all levels of government and finance. I don’t know if my smokescreen theory is the main motivation behind the current climate of hatred or if I just wish for diversion tactics, because I can’t quite wrap my head around believing that there are people out there who as hateful, shortsighted and narrow-minded as the extreme right is proving themselves to be.

This country is at civil war. Families are being torn apart, young people are going to needless deaths as a result of bullying and racism, and loyalties are decided with more Fox News-inspired patriotism and emotion than careful thought and research. And, like in the Civil War of 1860’s USA, much of the underlying issue is financial. I’m not sure how the people in power get from A to B, but somehow they think that subjugating women is necessary financially.  They don’t give a hoot about children, born or unborn, or they wouldn’t be cutting things like TANF. They just want to control their worlds and I suspect the power women have shown over the past 50 years scares the s*%& out of them.

I don’t know how to bridge the ravine that I am watching widen as every day passes, as more and more cruel and inhumane laws are passed. The ravine is personal; my siblings are both extremely conservative and have ideas that horrify me. When Donald Trump believes the birther theories, I roll my eyes and wish he’d find a better toupee. When it is my brother, who I know to be a thoughtful, intelligent man, who believes those ideas, I am deeply saddened and feel powerless to reach him. There are many ravines between he and I. And they are all so unnecessary, all based on lies.

Those birther ideas are rooted in the most pervasive of racism. I am discouraged not only for our country, but for the courageous family who is in the White House, struggling to make life better for all people, even those who hate the color of their skin.

I don’t know how to talk to you, young conservative friend. I can only continue to find ways to work for what I believe is right, and hope that some day, you will have the freedom to make decisions about your own body, without some lawmaker intruding into a discussion that should be between a woman and her doctor.